The Bald Woman's Blog: Part 26
Su is fascinated by her rapid hair loss from embarrassing places and the dog's in disgrace (again)
Wednesday, September 17:
This is just an entry to remind myself when I read back, perhaps when I'm feeling so very bad after my next bout of chemo, that I will feel better, it will get better, I will be able to do it.
Today, I have been baking (now I know I'm not myself!), I feel the world is not so bad and I am very lucky to be here feeling better and fully functional. Only five more sessions. I will keep the diary going through the good, the bad and the ridiculous – it may help. My short crop is still sitting there, perhaps it will last a while, who knows!
Saturday, September 20:
A rather large amount of "personal" hair has fallen out! Even though I knew this might happen it was still a bit of a small shock to realise that it really IS going to happen. It can't be long now before "upstairs" follows suit.
I'm getting "light showers" off my crop which tends to sprinkle anything I bend my head over. I can see I will end up looking like a dog with mange before it finally gives way to a shiny pate!
Alan says there must be a gap in the market for "instant hair in a can". Spray it on, tease it into shape and guaranteed to stick for a week – wash off and repeat. Hmmmmm!
The diary has seen lack of entries lately, sporadic to say the least, but that is because for the past few days I have been feeling really good and upbeat. OK, the energy levels are useless, but with some time management employed I can carry out most of my tasks in the house and do a light shop.
The last time I tried to do the weekly shop was last week. I thought I would be fine but as the trolley got heavier my energy levels depleted and drained away before half the purchasing was complete. I was forced to pay for what I had and return home. I was disappointed with myself and frustrated and in turn that made me feel slightly depressed.
So, the answer is don't put yourself in that situation, I tell myself. Do half at a time or better still, hand the shopping list to Alan? The trouble with that is unless I put him under pain of death, Alan's health consciousness tends to get the better of him and he comes home with seeds and pulses that require a weeks cooking and healthy nutty snacks that I cannot eat with my sore mouth and gums! We have been veggies for years but I've never really managed to like nuts and seeds very much. Anyway, I'm learning to pace my tasks quite well I think, it's all a learning curve.
Last Thursday my lovely friends from work came to visit. Lynn, Lynn and Jeanette who I have worked at the school with for many years and who have supported me throughout with flowers,chocs, telephone calls and texts, came mob-handed bearing flowers, biccies and cream cakes!
I was so looking forward to this, we have such a laugh together and each of us has very different personalities and I know they will not mind my saying that it's the differences that make it work between us!
Jeanette is, well, different! She is blonde and bubbly and totally spontaneous, full of life and laughter and is a breast cancer survivor. I could not ask for a nicer bunch of people to surround me and we were full of giggly laughter and shrieks and stuffing down cakes and biscuits when...Jeanette leaned down to speak to my dog.
Websites I have found useful:
Breast Cancer Care
Cancerhelp.org (the patient information website of Cancer Research UK)
Netdoctor.co.uk
Scarf Studio (scarfs and bandanas)
Now, he is a terrier and would look comfortable on the end of a broom handle, very shaggy and scruffy but he is a rescue dog with issues which many people are aware of. The rule is, do not bend down to him and "trap" him, he freaks and doesn't like loud noises. In all we were breaking all the rules but he was handling it fairly well until Jeanette bent down to tell him he couldn't' have a biscuit – they were his favourite, choc chip cookies and so in recompense, he bit Jeanette's nose!
Now this was all taken in good sport by Jeanette, although I was completely mortified, especially as she had to have a tetanus jab afterwards and get the nurse to look at the wound! There will, however, be a pay back, apparently, as there is a return invite to Jeanette's house where apparently her dog has a penchant for biting bottoms. Obviously there is no such thing as a free lunch!
How's that operation doing?
Actually, very well, thanks. It's now several weeks since my nipple was sliced off and some lymph nodes removed and I have all but forgotten about it. The scars, as such, are neat little red lines, still fading. One under the arm and one completely round the areola and I cannot feel either of them in terms of raised tissue anymore.
The nipple is till unpuckering slowly but each week looks more normal. There is still a 2p-sized patch of blue on the outside of the nipple, on the left – very fetching and not at all noticeable under clothes, of course. I think that might be my "souvenir" for life now – a good reminder I think, that troubles can be overcome.
I have no pain at all, except for the odd stab every few days which I think is still the nipple "stretching out", but the stab is literally milliseconds and then gone. There is no limitation on my arm movement – I was extremely diligent with those arm exercises they insist on and started them almost as soon as I'd finished being sick after the op.
There was no way I wanted any problems like that – far too busy. Even Laura has said she can see no difference to my outer self and there really isn't anything to show that isn't looking normal. All in all it's pretty good.
Monday, September 22:
The forecast is light showers, grey hairy ones, to be precise! I am shedding more hair than the dog and he's pretty hairy. Mine, of course, are not replenishing themselves, so no glossy winter coat for me.
I cannot be sad about it, for some reason. I know I should be mourning the loss of my hair and maybe I will when it's gone. Right now I find the whole process rather fascinating. I get a little itchy feeling, scratch my head and come away with a handful of short, grey hairs. The grey are falling out first and because I have a "badger streak" of those running over the top of my head (rather Cruella Deville or Karyn Franklin!) I have become bald on top.
Now I never thought it would happen this way. I suppose I thought I would wake up one morning and find it all on the pillow, or maybe it would simply fall off in Sainsbury's, but it didn't occur to me that it would come off the top all at once.
So now I look like a Trappist monk with the reverse equivalent of a Mohican! Time for some head cover as I think I look a bit scary. Bald might be bold and even acceptable carried off in the right manner but "thin on top", well, that looks weird!
I seem to have a morbid fascination with all the stages I go through but cannot yet, anyway, feel sad or bad about it. I am weird aren't I, it's official.
Its chemo again on Friday and I have recovered enough to feel more positive about it again; after this one, only four more to go. So my hair state is this - two and a half weeks after my first chemo, extremely thin – scalp visible – on top but still clinging on round the edges. Shedding showers permanently.
Personal hair – well let's say that's going faster than the head except I still have eyebrows and eyelashes and hairy legs. Now, why hasn't the hair fallen off my legs – that would be useful...
Part 27 next week
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Friday 10 February 2012
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