The Bald Woman's Blog: Part 27
Su's hair is rapidly disappearing and chemo takes its toll on the old brainpower
Tuesday, September 23:
OK. Today the showers are snowstorms! I blocked the plughole and my scalp looks like that of a fledging bird - most of the skin is showing through and there are blatant bald patches, the rest is, well, tufty.
I am getting a good idea of what I will eventually look like for the next few months. I like to think of it as cute'n'bald rather than acutely bald! If only my nose wasn't so big (I'm sure they modelled Concorde on it!) then my profile would not look so much like that of Julius Caesar.
Every time I move, my head hairs cascade down my neck and become tickly and my scalp itches because of those loose hairs. The result is that I walk around scratching rather like a cat with fleas and leave a small "hair trail" behind me.
Everyone is complaining of finding hairs in their food and as they are always short grey ones and Alan never does any cooking, I cannot deny whose fault it is. Right, I'm going to don my "planet" theatre cap for cooking, it seems appropriate.
I did try to wear a head covering yesterday. I struggled for a very long time to artfully decorate my scalp but never having been a girly girl, the whole thing eludes me. I made myself late and got very cross with it all to the extent that I eventually went out as I was.
Now, this doesn't bother me at all but it clearly looks strange and people definitely try not to look at you. I can understand that but it does make you feel alienated.
I hadn't reckoned on blokes' sense of humour, though, and having found out yesterday that I had been without an MoT for three months (I have had other things on my mind!) I found myself camping out in the service department while this was put to rights.
I had plenty of time to observe, a favourite pastime of mine, and couldn't help noticing that most of the young blokes in there were also follicly challenged, to the extent that they all looked very alike!
I tried to accost three of them before I found the one with my car key apologising profusely for my mistake every time. The third mechanic, quite young and also fairly bald said: "don't worry luv, it's because we've all got the same hairstyle." Before I could stop myself I said "it must be catching then – any vacancies?"! I don't think he quite knew what to make of me. Maybe I ought to start "covering up".
I think I'm probably going to have to shave the rest off but I deliberately wanted to leave it as long as possible so that I might describe it all to anyone else going through this. I couldn't have left it long, it truly would have been awful having great long handfuls of hair coming out. So my advice so far is, if you're going to lose it and you can bear to do so, crop it.
Thursday, September 25:
I slept very badly last night. One of the reasons was because my hair hurt. I'm not sure if other people have experienced this, but my scalp is very tender and what is left of the "roots" actually feels very prickly. Lying on my pillow is like sleeping on a piece of coconut matting at the moment.
Added to that is the fact that the hair is literally coming out in handfuls. It means my pillow is also covered in a layer of hair – most of which I seem to ingest, which makes me sneeze.
I am also not looking forward to Friday very much, the next chemo session, and try as I might to put it all into perspective I ended up lying there worrying about it all.
I think it's the "brain" thing that I hate so much. The chemo seems to wipe everything out and I can hardly function at all for two or three days. It's a really horrible and helpless feeling, but I do know it will pass and I keep reminding myself of that.
I've been for the pre-chemo blood test today. You have to have one each time before you have a chemo session. This ensures you are fit for chemo, not anaemic and that you haven't any infections - otherwise the chemo can make you feel really ill indeed.
Websites I have found useful:
Breast Cancer Care
Cancerhelp.org (the patient information website of Cancer Research UK)
Netdoctor.co.uk
Scarf Studio (scarfs and bandanas)
The hospital also rings you to make sure you feel well and are not running a temperature. A cheery lady called Nicky rang me today and enquired after my health and said they would be looking forward to seeing me tomorrow!
It seems ironic that throughout my teenage years I spent a great deal of time worrying about my bosoms and my hair and here I am, for different reasons, going through the same angst!
When I was 16 I dearly wanted to have my hair cut like Twiggy and after some saving of much hard earned cash finally booked in to have the celeb haircut. After all my hair was as straight as stair rods and only hung there anyway so I might as well make the best of it.
I even purchased the "must have" hat of the time, a ladies' peak cap. After all this was the sixties and here I was right in it all. I emerged from the salon feeling very groovy and headed down to the pub (oh, bit of a give-away there – sorry!) to meet my mates for their seal of approval.
Hat in place and dressed in a fake Mary Quant with my over-exuberant bosoms held firmly down I waited for their response. "Ooooh, they squealed it's fab; we never knew you looked so much like John Lennon!" It's that nose again, isn't it?
I kept trying, however, as teenagers do, and went through the Martin Shaw/Kevin Keegan wash and wear perms (I really liked that one even though I probably looked like a poodle); the "Purdy" look made famous by Joanna Lumley; and finally before I gave up trying I singed my hair into a Sandy Shaw "bob" every day, until in fact, the ends fell off!
So the saga of my hair is a sad and sorry one which is now, at least temporarily, over. Tonight I am going to shave off what is left. I won't be able to cope with hoovering my pillow and de-hairing the plughole when I'm under the influence of chemo, so I have to be practical. I am also hoping it will be less painful to the roots if I just get rid of the tufty bits that are left.
FOOTNOTE: Thought you might like to see these emails that have been sent this week. Thanks you so much for writing to me. If anyone else would like to drop me an email, there's an easy-to-use link below.
1. From Marina Burgess:
I have just been reading Su Candy's Bald Woman's Blog on your LutonToday website. If I had the energy and wit I would like to have done something similar!
Here I am, though, three and a half years further on reading and nodding – just how I was feeling. How weird is that? You seem to be doing, saying, feeling all the things that happened to me.
I wish you a speedy recovery and as your hair grows back just take it from me it will be rewarded with a lush mane of which any shampoo model would be proud!
2. From Jan Ross:
I've been reading this with fascination. I've just completed my treatment for breast cancer - five months of chemo, four operations and three weeks of radiotherapy. I read it, nodding all the time.
I felt pretty much the same as Su, had the same surgeon and oncologist, so it all felt so familiar. I'm happy to say that I'm now back at work and feeling pretty good. I would warn Su, though, to watch out for the after-effects of chemo. They do drag on somewhat. I finished mine in July and still get very tired.
And I'm much more prone to infections, cellulitis in particluar. For some reason, my fingertips look like I've just got out of the bath and the nails are awful.
Anyway, I'm fully behind Su and I'm sure that her diary will help others going through it, or supporting someone that's going through it
Part 28 next week
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Weather for Luton
Friday 10 February 2012
Today
Sunny spells
Temperature: -6 C to 1 C
Wind Speed: 13 mph
Wind direction: South east
Tomorrow
Sunny spells
Temperature: -5 C to -1 C
Wind Speed: 7 mph
Wind direction: South east
