The Bald Woman's Blog: Part 28
Su battles with a bandana and psyches herself up for some more chemo
Friday, September 26:
I shaved off the rest of my hair last night and became another "celebrity". It's touch and go who I favour the most but my ears are definitely "Mr Spock".
However, I think the whole effect, while wishing it was Gail Porter is in fact...Telly Savalas. Never mind, it could be a whole lot worse and I do feel a lot better now.
Not that I want to be bald, but there were more no hair bits on my head than the other way round and it was so very inconvenient clearing it all up from everywhere. Why was I born with that practical streak?
What am I left with? Well, because I didn't want to actually "shave" with a razor and I certainly wasn't going to let Alan have a go, I used the same clippers as when I "spiked" it but with the baldy cutter on it.
My scalp looks like Velcro – no really, it feels like it too, patchy Velcro of course and it's rather draughty, although this morning it's got a bit of "razor burn". Great - a glowing Velcro head AND it's chemo today.
By tomorrow morning you should be able to locate me by the general glow that chemo gives me plus the extra beacon – Alan probably won't need the light on, he'll be able to read courtesy of me! Actually, I got quite excited about the Velcro bit and rushed off to try on my headgear and guess what - it sticks! Alas I feel the stubble will be gone by Monday but it's a great bonus at the moment!
I went round to Hil's in the week with my bandana which I especially brought (new) from eBay and was furious with myself because I still couldn't tie the thing.
So literally, cap in hand, I trudged round (thank goodness she's so close) and together we beat it into submission – tweaking it here and pulling it there and then me practising with Hil watching and guiding. I felt like I was six again and learning to tie my shoelaces.
But, thanks to all that, I can go off to chemo today wearing my elegant (!) leopard print (what, yes, really!) head attire. It's not as bad as it sounds and yes, that will be me you see in the High Street – do say hello it will make me feel like I know a lot of people and have loads of friends – very good for the morale.
Actually, I'm being very flippant and silly this morning because in two hours I will be being "infused". I feel exactly like a small child who has to be taken to the dentist or have a much unwanted vaccination.
You know, when your Mum makes you go, even has to drag you kicking and screaming because she knows it's for your own good. Well, I know that, too, but I'd still like to kick and scream a bit and I am battling with my own self here this morning with my brain doing its usual "I'm in trouble here, so let's be very silly" and babbling on about trivia.
I KNOW it's not painful – at least it wasn't last time - but it's the very thought of it again. All those toxic liquids you have to deliberately put in you to stop the cancer returning. That awful "brain dead" feeling for days afterwards. The being sick and the constant drinking without really being able to quench such a terrible thirst and all that weeing again, red wee!
Oh, I really don't want to go but of course I am going and however I feel about it I will keep on going because I am going to win this game and with every visit the odds go more in my favour and after this session, only four more to go.
Websites I have found useful:
Breast Cancer Care
Cancerhelp.org (the patient information website of Cancer Research UK)
Netdoctor.co.uk
Scarf Studio (scarfs and bandanas)
When my brain returns to normal and I write this again in a few days, I'll tell you about that wig. What wig? Well, hang on in here with me and all will be revealed.
There are small islands in life that glow, rather like my head, and they provide little bubbles that cheer me up enormously and here's one that happened yesterday whilst I was sharing a cup of tea with my brother Cliff.
We were chatting about sheds, of all things, when there was a dull thud from his picture window and a few feathers visibly floated down. We both love nature and wildlife – an inherited gift from Mum – and thought it would be a pigeon. There was that "imprint" you get on the window when a pigeon hits. Rather like the pigeon has left his soul plastered to your window!
What we found to our amazement was a rather dazed but stunningly beautiful male sparrowhawk, complete with live prey, a poor little greenfinch. Now, this is nature and although it's not nice, it's normal and we both watched from the distance of only a few feet while this wonderful bird stood on its catch while it recovered itself before flying off, rather embarrassed, into the nearby bushes.
Neither Cliff nor I wanted to move to find the camera. Somehow it seemed to be our moment and neither of us had ever seen anything like that before. It was a one-off and as I say, a small island, unrelated to normal life, absolutely wonderful.
Part 29 next week
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Friday 10 February 2012
Today
Sunny spells
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Sunny spells
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