The Bald Woman's Blog: Part 37
A bonfire in the nether regions and Su finds out just what radiotherapy can do to your body
Thursday, October 30:
I should never have eaten all that Indian food and I even drank some champagne as it Laura passing her driving test was a once-in-a-lifetime occasion. This morning I am regretting it badly.
The small burning sensation that I have been trying to ignore in my bladder has become a bonfire and I was awake all night with heartburn. Heartburn is something I have been suffering since I started the chemo, but it is getting worse and I will ask for something to help when I see the oncologist.
However the burning bladder, which I thought was just another thing to suffer, is clearly a bit more than that. As I'm seeing Dr Ah See tomorrow there seems little point in trying to see my GP, I'll never get an appointment anyway, so I resort to drinking gallons of anything "soothing", camomile tea and the like.
By the end of the day, though, I know I'm in trouble as every time I want to wee it feels like a flame thrower and the pain cuts off the flow before I can finish, leaving me wishing I was three years old and could happily cry about it!
Friday, October 31:
I'm actually looking forward to going to the hospital today because I really need something for my burning bladder. Actually I've drawn up a list of "ailments". Mainly because I want to check that these are "normal" and also because I'm hoping that we can do something about at least one of them (my bladder).
Normally I leave plenty of time for appointments and then there is time at the other end for the toilet – and in this case it was going to be a necessity but things do not always go that way.
Laura had been home on holiday from college and literally just before I was about to leave wanted me to look at something to do with her work. Knowing I might be gone for an hour or two I complied, but Alan (also at home) was trying to talk to me about something else.
Now, I cannot chew gum and walk these days and something was bound to go wrong and true to form we left the house far too late to be comfortable. On the journey I did the wallet, watch check – far too late – and discovered I had left my phone at home and that I had also come without a drink and snack (just in case!).
This is usually Alan's trick and it totally annihilated the plan we had formed for pick up etc. The only answer was for Alan to stay with me, which meant we had to park. I an so tight about parking fees it is untrue and it annoys me intensely to be charged to park at hospitals and even in my home town when I want to shop – don't get me started on that one!
I looked upon the 2.50 as a penalty to pay for forgetting my phone but Alan had to forfeit his trip to the office in order to stay with me. The clinic is always hours behind schedule and waiting takes patience and, of course, time.
We arrived only just in time and I was checking in when the nurse actually whisked me away, saying she was going to take me in! There was hardly anyone in the waiting area – the odd few dotted around and it was bang on my appointment time. Something was going to go right after all!
"I'll just weigh you," nurse says, stripping me of my shoes and coat. I stand on the very public scales and Alan shouts out: "One at a time please"!
"Don't worry," I say to the slightly shocked nurse, "he's not coming in with me!" Nurse then puts me into a little room and closes the door. It is quiet and stuffy and after 10 minutes I'm wondering if they'd mind if I had a nap on the couch.
Nurse opens the door and exclaims surprise at me still being there. "Oh," she says, "I'd better see what's happening." She leaves the door open this time, at least it's less stuffy, but I still sit there for another 15 minutes before she passes by again.
Websites I have found useful:
Breast Cancer Care
Cancerhelp.org (the patient information website of Cancer Research UK)
Netdoctor.co.uk
Scarf Studio (scarfs and bandanas)
This time she tuts and marches off to find someone, returning to say they are just coming! So, taken in quickly and forgotten in the waiting room, never mind, Alan has found a magazine he cannot put down and is well behaved and quiet!
Another five minutes and Dr Ah Sees registrar arrives with a breast care nurse. I have been sitting on my internal bonfire now for some time and really, really need a wee, but of course this is not the time.
I mention it immediately to the doctor (whose name has escaped me)and she is instantly very worried. I am told off in no uncertain terms for leaving it even one day before seeking advice. Apparently, with no immune system to speak of, urine infections can rage through the body like a fire (it is, it is!) and make you feel really ill.
Well, it's hard to tell whether I feel really ill or not because the list of things I have to discuss is arm's length and I honestly thought this was just another "thing" the chemo chemicals had brought into play.
I list my problems and they go: Weight gain – normal, black nails – normal, heartburn – normal (but I can have something for that!), nausea – normal (I may be able to have that improved), extreme fatigue – normal, bloated tummy – fairly normal (I didn't dare mention the "wind"), aching to the body – all normal.
Finally, I have no brain, forget things, and can't think. Yep, yep says the doc, all normal. Brilliant, I am normally abnormal then! We then got to the bladder bit and a sample would be needed – great, I can have a wee!!!
Nurse brings in a small bottle and a slightly larger cardboard "jug". It depends how good an aim you are, she says! I haven't got time to aim, I think as I rush to the loo – just in time. The relief overwhelmed the pain and I could have filled that little jug several times over, but mission accomplished I duly presented nurse with the little bottle.
We then reconvened, me feeling much more comfortable but still nursing the bonfire down in the nether regions which was slightly distracting me as the doctor began to talk about radiotherapy.
Whoa! This wasn't what I expected. I thought we were just going to have little chat about how my chemo is going and it completely threw me that now we needed to make decisions about the radiotherapy.
I have to say that most of the explanations went over my head, not because they were too technical but because she spoke quite rapidly, I was in pain and I have no brain.
Basically, radiotherapy will start about a month after chemo ends; it will be for four weeks and I will have to get to Mount Vernon Hospital. This is a nuisance, but it will have to be done. I've signed up to "carpet bomb" the cancer and this is something I will see through.
I do not like the sounds of some of the side effects of the radiotherapy, burnt skin sounds bad enough, but possible damage to your heart, lungs and ribs – it never occurred to me that this would be anything else other than radio active rays which I rather naively thought might cause some rash or sunburn and a little discomfort.
Of course they have to tell you all the possibilities, just in case. I have to say it does worry me a bit as I seem to have been unlucky with the chemo and suffered more than my share of "side effects". Somehow I have this mental picture of me with a burnt and shrivelled bosom with a hole underneath where my heart used to be!
I completely forgot to ask about why I needed six sessions of chemo and why others don't, but I probably already know the answer anyway and having got over my little "blip" where I just wanted to kid myself I had a choice, I feel ready to see the whole thing through now.
There is always a choice of course, I could just stop – no more – but, I could never live with myself knowing I hadn't given it the full and recommended walloping of its life. If you're going to do a job then do it well and to best of your ability, whatever it is. I can still hear my father saying that and it has always stood me in good stead. I don't have many talents but what there are, hopefully I put to good use.
During our little chat I also had to whip off my top and bra (I suspect there will be a lot more of that in the weeks to come) so that we could see if, when I laid down my breasts still pointed upwards! Now, I am 58 this month and have always had a fairly large "chest area". When I was younger they might have stayed put but...the only way they go now are east and west.
Apparently it's not good if they fall sideways as it restricts "access" to the radiotherapy rays and they will need supporting if this is the case and also it will avoid any burning and sweatiness. It gets better.
"How do they support them, then?" I ask and immediately wish I hadn't when I am told it will be like placing my breast on a small plastic cradle or bridge. How's your imagination going?
Anyway, I came out clutching my leaflet with my head buzzing and some tablets for heartburn and more to quench the fire down below. I will do my usual thing of looking it all up on the internet before I ask more questions – how I love the internet!
This week's letter is from Anne G. Many thanks to you for taking the trouble to write to me - it is so kind of you. If anyone else would like to write to me, please use the email link below.
Dear Su,
I am very lucky in that I have not been directly affected by cancer, but I have made sure that I've not missed any of your blogs - it's giving we readers a small insight into what anybody coping with cancer has to go through. I am so glad you decided to do this, sharing your lowest moments, fears and frustration.... and those crazy difficult situations with an indomitable sense of humour! I send you and your family my very best wishes.
Kindest Regards,
Anne G
Part 38 next week
Have you been affected by breast cancer? Would you like to drop Su a line? You can email your comments to her by clicking here
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Weather for Luton
Friday 10 February 2012
Today
Sunny spells
Temperature: -6 C to 1 C
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Tomorrow
Sunny spells
Temperature: -5 C to -1 C
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