The Bald Woman's Blog: Part 52
Radiotherapy ends, teenage spots make an unwelcome return and Su takes time out to smell the flowers
This entry marks exactly one year of my blog. For those who have been with me all the way, thank you for reading and I hope it has been of some help to you. Actually, we're nearing the end and within the next month, it will finish. Appropriately, my story will end in October, which is Breast Awareness Month. But don't worry - I'll be back next week!
Monday, February 23:
I've done it. I've completed all my radiotherapy. I am ecstatic, relieved, very, very tired but extremely pleased with myself. I have not suffered any ill effects at all apart from a slightly tender breast that looks like I've exposed it to the sun just that bit too long.
I can hardly wait to get back to normal life and although I realise that it will take some months to regain my strength I am so grateful to have come through all this still fairly intact. So, what do I have now in the way of problems? Well, very few I think although there are side effects that need dealing with.
The Arimidex tablets have aggravated a previous condition (Carpal Tunnel Syndrome) and I have broken out in spots – teenage ones –in terrible places (modesty forbids me to mention them!), but these are only temporary and can be dealt with.
The last three "blasts" were different from all the others and were directly aimed at the site of the cancer. They are supposed to "clean" the cancer bed of any remaining "spores". It was not painful in the least but the machine is moved much nearer to the site – in my case the nipple! – and a good long shot takes place.
It doesn't, however, stop my vivid imagination taking over and the first of these three had me at the OK Coral. I couldn't help it. I felt like I had been lined up for execution and with the "silencer" on the machine (it did look a bit like a large version of that!) the ladies retreated with the usual "don't move" warning. Don't worry, I thought, lying there with early onset rigor mortis, I won't.
As soon as the machine started I imagined radio active "bullets" thudding into my breast and could almost feel the terrible pain! Well, of course, there was no pain, there never has been with radiotherapy and the only effect I had was the usual "boob with a bonfire" heat which kicks in with me about half an hour later. This time my nipple was involved and although I was warned it could get very sore, being such a tender area, in fact I only experienced a slight itchiness which I have firmly stopped myself from trying to scratch
Before I was diagnosed I was in the process of dealing with my carpal tunnel syndrome – what's that? Well, it's a sort of "fizzy" hand that is caused by the band of muscle around your wrist tightening on the nerves running through it, causing them to be squeezed together, hence the tingling and numbness. I had already been for two lots of injections into the wrist and these had helped enormously but I was due to talk about a small operation to cure it permanently when this disaster struck.
The only bad side effect I have had from those Arimidex tablets has been this. It does state that if you happened to suffer with this particular thing then it can make it much worse – it has, just my luck, but at least it's repairable and I am already booked in to see the "carpal tunnel man" next month.
I consider that it is not much to complain about. It was something I had before and now it's worse but...hey, I've come through all that other rubbish, still have two bosoms, one slightly smaller with a blue smudge stain and a small tattoo mark but still mine, complete with nipple. I think that's pretty good. I didn't burn in the radiotherapy and the effects of chemotherapy are starting to fade. I still have some black-looking nails but the arm they used is aching less and the memories are less traumatic now.
Websites I have found useful:
Breast Cancer Care
Cancerhelp.org (the patient information website of Cancer Research UK)
Netdoctor.co.uk
Scarf Studio (scarfs and bandanas)
Hil came round with some lovely spring flowers and a Well Done card. She has suffered every inch of the way with me, felt the pain and sorrow and almost came out in sympathy by finding a small lump herself which she immediately and wisely got checked out. It was nothing, thank goodness, but for a while there I thought I might have to lend her my headgear!
Seriously, we joked about it but getting that lump checked was so important, even though it made her feel sick – and me! Support, even if you are a fairly strong person is an essential part of getting better. I was so lucky to have my families' total backing in understanding and offers of transport or help in any way. I also had offers from workmates and friends – I felt very privileged but thanks to Alan's firm being so understanding we were able to manage on the transport side.
When I was too tired to see people I let them know, kindly I hope that I just wasn't up to it and they all understood and still speak to me! There are so many support groups out there too – it's just not my thing, really – but sometimes you need to talk or just get it all off your chest and it does help.
Look how I've rattled on in this blog. I can't run marathons, I'm not a girly chat girl and really do not like coffee mornings or group hugs but I can ramble and have been given the opportunity to indulge that – so I have.
Monday, March 2:
I thought I ought to mention the itching!! It certainly isn't painful, although the breast is very tender indeed at the moment but unexpectedly, after finishing radiation now for one whole week two things have happened. They did say the effects would continue for two weeks and they weren't wrong.
Firstly the whole breast is really tender, too tender to wear any kind of bra – soft or not – all day. I have to save the bra bit for going out as after two hours or so I just want to rip it off. I also want to scratch, an overwhelming desire to search out the itch and get it!
Unfortunately, it isn't that kind of itch. It's "inside" – the healing wound kind – quite unlike the itch you may get under a plaster cast, for instance. There is no finding it either - no – it hides like an invisible feather in your bra and there is no comfort in searching either because the breast is so tender it really is sore to try and scratch!
So, I'm back to holding my breast again, which together with the cream, seems to be the only relief I can get. I shouldn't complain and I'm not really. I am truly grateful to still have the breast and the nipple but I though it might be worth a mention to others as it seemed only to set in after the radiotherapy finished.
Along with the itch came a friend that has visited me before – overwhelming tiredness! I know this one very well indeed and was thinking how well I was doing considering the journey etc but this week I am flattened again with a slight nauseous feeling and a desire to sleep for England.
It's the kind of tiredness that you cannot beat and small things have to be done slowly and eventually most jobs get done, it's just all taking so much longer than I normally do. It is a very good lesson in slowing down and smelling the flowers and if having cancer has taught me one thing it is that you never know about tomorrow so enjoy today.
So what if the spiders are playing Tarzan across your ceiling or the fluff bunnies are running round the floor, I look at it like this now. If your visitors don't like it, they won't come again, in which case you don't really need visitors like that.
If your visitors are true friends they will either laugh at it with you or get the duster out and get rid of them. If your husband points it out – highly unlikely as men don't know what dust is! - Then show them the cleaning cupboard while you recline and declare you are, after all, recovering from cancer! Whichever way, they are all winners!
Part 53 next week
Have you been affected by breast cancer? Would you like to drop Su a line? You can email your comments to her by clicking here
Missed any other parts of Su Candy's blog? Catch up on them all by clicking here
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Weather for Luton
Friday 10 February 2012
Today
Sunny spells
Temperature: -6 C to 1 C
Wind Speed: 13 mph
Wind direction: South east
Tomorrow
Sunny spells
Temperature: -5 C to -1 C
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