Covid-19 widower from Dunstable's love story with his late wife is now available in Bedfordshire libraries

Writer John Hunt penned a memoir about loving and losing his wife in the first wave of the Covid-19 pandemic.

The couple had been together for 53 years – and John says he “found a way forward” by writing the story of their life together, saying that it “was a wonderful therapy”.

And the book, which hit top three on the Amazon bestseller list, can now be found in the library after being accepted into the Bedfordshire Library Service.

Here he shares his story.

It is my hope that many people enjoy reading about the wonderful girl I met when we were both teenagers.

Love at first sight for me. She pondered on it for a while. Doreen and I met at a party when we were both 19. Somehow, I managed to find the courage to ask her for a dance. I told her she had a nice name. She told me that mine was common, but there was a glint in her eye that blew my roof off and I fell in love.

She gave me the run around for a few weeks, but eventually, she admitted that my common name didn’t matter. We were inseparable from that day and had a wonderful life together.

Doreen and I retired early in 2007. We entered into a way of life where we shared only things that we had both come to love over our years together. It was our own little world which began early in the day, usually 6am, as I brought Doreen her cup of tea in bed. It ended around 2am, after we’d watched our (recorded) favourite TV programmes and enjoyed a bottle of wine. We also took up ballroom dancing, which we loved.

I began to spend more time on my hobby of writing and Doreen was always encouraging me to write my life story. I would always say, “Who would want to read it?”

“Well, the kids and the grandchildren for a start,” she would reply, “Write it for them”.

I didn’t and that is a great regret. I stuck to writing short stories and poems.

I lost her in March 2020, she was one of the first casualties of the pandemic. The suddenness of it all sent me into a surreal world.We were unable to give her a proper funeral due to the restrictions that were put in place. As I dressed for the ceremony, I stood in front of her dressing table in our bedroom. It was littered with her personal stuff just as she had left it. I wanted to take something of hers to the crematorium. I noticed her bottle of Georgio perfume and sprayed it on my neck.

The one thing that I have learned is that, when you lose your love after such a long time together, you also lose your way of life – everything goes, and the habits that you fall into day after day – suddenly lose their meaning.

So, the only option is to find a new life for yourself. A new way of living each day. I imagine that the feeling must be like learning to walk again after losing your legs. You stumble through each day, thinking only that, this is impossible. It is overpowering, like when we both gave up smoking 50 years ago, at least then there was the option of giving in to the pain, now there is nowhere to go and have crafty smoke in order to feel better.

The hardest times, and there were many, was making the bed each morning, and pushing the trolley around Sainsbury’s. Making half a bed each morning is a lonely occupation after 52 years of sharing.

I had been pushing that trolley around Sainsbury’s and other supermarkets for 52 years, but I used to switch off as I did so. Now I have to stay awake and attempt to find out what it was that Doreen was actually putting in the trolley during all that time.

Then I have to try and work out what went on in the kitchen for all those years before I heard, ‘Dinner’s ready’.

Doreen would often tell me that the easiest meal to cook was Sunday roast. I have taught myself to do that, and one or two other dishes consisting of no more than three ingredients. To go above that level I would need a black belt equivalent for cooking.

It was a week or so after the funeral, when I heard Doreen say, as clearly as if she were beside me, “Write our story”.

I began to write the story of our life. Every poignant moment of our life together poured freely from my mind, but it was written from the heart. I completed the manuscript early in 2021. I felt very proud of what I had done and I had an overwhelming desire, that Doreen should be remembered forever, by all who read our story.

I decided to self-publish. I had a professional artist design the front cover for the book and I put it on Amazon. I was astonished when it achieved number three in their list in February 2022, but the icing on the cake, when I looked at the list, at number four was a book by Harry and Meghan. It was only for a brief time, but it gave me much joy and Doreen would have been giggling at the thought of it.

I had found my new life. I can’t stop writing, and I am learning all the time. I will not give up until I see one of my stories on the shelf in Sainsbury’s. The book has just been inducted into the Bedfordshire Library System.

Life has become more bearable, but my heart still breaks each time, as I make half a bed each morning.

This Is Not A Good Table is available on Amazon and in Bedfordshire libraries.